Anyway, to make myself feel comfortable with the whole process, I will begin with a post featuring some good, old-fashioned complaining. Tonight's point of frustration: building this site. Overall, I have to say that it's actually been quite a smooth experience: I was able to manipulate the theme without any major problems (adjusting the CSS actually made me feel pretty proud of myself), I created a header image I love with a cheap camera and Photoshop, and soon I'll be purchasing an official domain name. However, the emotional struggles have outweighed the technical ones, and I mean that in the least melodramatic way. What I really mean is that writing about yourself is hard. Or should I say, writing about your skills and abilities without annoying yourself is hard. For instance, my front page took a lot of work until I reached a version that I was satisfied with and that I hope other readers will find engaging and approachable. Although my degree program has focused on communication as an art of connecting with one's audience, it's a challenge when you are one of the stakeholders in that equation. And since my interests are usually at the academic/theoretical/abstract end of the spectrum, it became hard for me to translate them into the direct, practical, and purposeful tone that I know is necessary for this context.
I'm sure that something along these lines will come up again throughout the course of this blogging experience, but since it's fitting here I might as well bring it up. I know that the root of my struggles here is the fact that this kind of communication entails the construction of an external identity, and I usually hate that feeling because it prescribes an action that is by definition compromising a natural, inner identity. I don't mean to say that in writing the content for my portfolio I am being dishonest, only that it gives me the feeling that I am trying too hard to be someone else. What I should be realizing, however, is that I am not trying too hard--I am simply trying. I think the shedding away of those two words does change things: there is a difference between "lying" and "showing off the best side of yourself that other people will value."
These are simple ideas that other people have had before me, but I really do feel like I learn something new every time I write. It's comforting in a completely singular way. I suppose that in writing things down here I am inviting strangers to see thoughts that I never allow other people to see, which does make the whole thing slightly more stressful and slightly less comforting. I'll learn to deal with it. I've never been much of an extrovert, so if I don't usually feel inclined to talk about these things then I have to be be prepared to write about them.
Also note that most of my posts won't be this sappy--I'm just coaxing myself into a practice that I'm not used to.